May 5, 2011 ~ Day 147 Mommy Super Spy

In honor of Mother's Day this coming weekend, my younger son's school hosted a special "Mother's Day" celebration where each child invited his or her mother to come into the classroom for an hour to help him or her with "work" activities and then watch the live performance of several songs.

I felt particularly excited about this opportunity, not merely because I got to spend a little quality time with my boy by himself - which almost never happens for the "middle child" of three...

...but also because as previously noted in this blog I have been unhappy with the quality of the learning my son seems to be getting at this preschool and I wanted the chance to see his teachers in action first hand.

For a short time then, I donned my secret identity: Mommy Super Spy.

When my son and I arrived at his classroom we were warmly greeted and led to a table with a placard with his name on it, where they had put out an activity for him. I would imagine they selected activities for each of the children that seemed most relevant to their particular talents, because the work the teachers had chosen for my son consisted of counting beads and working on his numbers 1-9.

Have I mentioned that he has brought home sheet with the numbers 1 - 9 (traced) almost every day for two months? In the whole time he has attended this school, my impression has been that he works primarily on tracing these numbers, painting and playing outside.

Today's lesson, then, only confirmed my impression.

Not that I'm knocking the numbers 1-9... far from it. Those are nine really essential numbers and I'm thrilled that someday he will be able to read bank statements and tally up his checkbook.

My main problem with this intense focus on the numbers 1-9 is merely this: My son knew those numbers before entering preschool nearly a year ago. He had learned how to write them by October of last year. For him, this is REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW. Every single day, review.

After he'd shown off the numbers 1-9 for me, for which I was appropriately thrilled and appreciative of his effort and hard work, we moved on to the art table. He joyfully put together a sunflower with construction paper and glue. It was a lovely sunflower, and I thanked him profusely.

At this point in the morning, my boy appeared a bit stymied. Apparently normally at this time, after working on his numbers and doing art, he was accustomed to going outside to play. "What should we do now?" he asked me.

"Why don't we check out some of those other activities on the rug?" I asked.

"I'm not allowed to do those. The other boys do those ones," he replied.

"Well, today is a special day," I reminded him. "Perhaps today your teachers will let you do those activities too."

He unrolled a work mat on the rug and began to look around. One of his teachers came by.

"What would you like to work on?" she asked.

"Sounds," he mumbled.

"What?"

"Sound box."

She was still having trouble understanding him as he whispered, so I reiterated - "He says he wants to work on his sounds."

The teacher gave him a funny look, as though to say, "You aren't ready for the sound boxes." However with me there she smiled broadly and told him, "Today is a different kind of day and you can pick any activity you'd like - so the sound boxes are over there." She gestured to the bookcase ahead.

My son scampered over to get the sound box.

"Mommy, what sounds do these ones make?" he asked.

He'd pulled out a box with the letters C-A-T and many appropriate objects to be grouped with each sound. For example, the small objects matching "C" were a small toy cat, a crayon, a candle, etc.

In less than a minute, he'd grouped all of his sounds correctly. "That was fun!" he laughed. "What should we do now?"

"Anything you'd like, buddy," I answered.

"I really like THAT ONE," he pointed to a large wooden board with 10 tubs of small number tiles, "But I never get to play with it. The other boys always play with it."

"Well today's your lucky day," I smiled. He pulled out the heavy board and showed me that came with a "map" (a diagram showing how the numbers 1 - 100 should be laid out on the bigger board). The object of the activity was for the child to organize his numbers from 1 to 100 using the tiles on the larger board, in the same sequence that they could be found on the map.

"Where are one and two?" he asked me. We pulled out the box marked 1-10 but unfortunately, we discovered right away that all of the numbers were terribly jumbled. Together we began to sort numbers into their groups of ten and he was able to place about 1 - 21 on the board by himself before our time for doing activities together was up.

"I LOVE this work!" he beamed. "I LOVE big numbers!"

When my son's head teacher rang a little bell, the children jumped up and began to chant a little rhyme about cleaning up their work.

They then sat in a circle and prepared to sing to the mothers.

Don't get me wrong here... it was adorable to watch my little guy sing songs and wave his hands around. My heart just about burst with love.

That said, it soon became obvious that while his teachers had taught my son four or five songs in Spanish, he had NO idea what he was singing about. Many of the children in his class - plus all three of his teachers - are all Latino/a - so the little ones who understood the Spanish songs were laughing, making appropriate movements, really putting character and personality into their songs.

My son made gestures and laughed every time he sang in English, but as soon as they switched into Spanish he got a very perplexed look on his face (sort of a frown with creased eyebrows) and was always listening to the kids around him and copying what they'd said during the Spanish parts.

The parent in me said, "Awww how cute, they've trained him to sing in Spanish."

The teacher in me said, "This is just like teaching him how to trace letters of the alphabet without telling him what they are or what sound they make. They're teaching my kid how to parrot back Spanish but he clearly has NO idea what he is singing."


Later, when singing "It's a small world," the teachers handed each child a handmade flag from a different country. "What are these?" one little boy asked.

"I know we didn't practice with these," the teacher said, "But let's use them today with your mommies here."

Once again, confirming my impression. It's all window dressing.

Now I'm no expert in preschool education or the Montessori method; but I *do* know based on the three years our kids were enrolled in a different Montessori school that there are different ways of implementing Montessori teaching. My elder son spent a full year working on his sounds and three letter words, but every day when I asked him what sound he had been working on, he could tell me. "We did "sssssssssssssssss" today," he would announce proudly, or "Today I worked on "lllllllllllllllllllllll".

In retrospect, I understand better now just what a great education my sons were getting at that preschool. The older one also learned his countries, a ton of geometry and higher math skills, and got a fantastic science education revolving around the solar system, dinosaurs and plant germination.

I think it is a heinous waste of time to teach kids the surface of something while ignoring its substance. This is exactly why I had seventh grade students who could not decode new words. They'd learned to recognize certain familiar shapes to basic words like "the", "and", "of", etc. but if you presented them with something different they would freeze up and stumble badly. They had no phonetic toolbox with which to figure out new words in context.

So call me the mommy party pooper but I didn't think much of my little boy singing a song to me in Spanish that he couldn't understand at all. Later when I took him home from school I complimented his great singing and then asked him if he knew what those songs were about. "I don't know," he said. "What do they mean, mommy?" My point exactly.

If this were another kid, I might assume that his teachers *had* taught the meaning of the words and he just hadn't picked up on it. However, this boy is sharp as a tack and soaks up knowledge like a sponge. There is something strange going on for him at his new school - things were different before we moved here in February. He was getting so much out of his old school. Since coming here he seems to have stalled out.

From what I saw today during my hour as a super sleuth, this new school is everything I had suspected. Bright and airy, big focus on art, lots of playtime, loving and gentle teachers, and an emphasis on Spanish. This is not a bad thing - in fact, it may be many people's idea of a dream preschool.

$800 a month for half days is a lot of money for our family though, and this is NOT our dream for him.

That is why, last week, we visited a different preschool and put down a deposit for him to attend summer school there starting in June. It will be a much farther commute but on the way to my husband's office... and if he loves the summer school, he will continue on in the Fall. The school is about $200 a month cheaper, so for less money than we are spending right now he will get five FULL days of education instead of five half-days. My husband and I are really optimistic.

I'm grateful that I have both the professional training and time (at least for now) to stay aware of what is happening in my children's classrooms ~ to get a clear understanding of what they are gaining from their environment and what they are NOT. Being the Mommy Super Sleuth has its clear benefits, and I am fortunate in that I am professionally qualified to substitute teach in all of their schools up to the 8th grade... so I'll always have that edge until they hit high school.

Our elder son who had thrived in preschool, then floundered in his first kindergarten, is now blooming like crazy in his new classroom. He is reading EVERYTHING: books, magazine covers, billboards, directions, advertisements, store names - absolutely elated to have access now to an adult world around him which previously taunted him with its mysterious letters and sounds.

He is now also routinely earning 7 out of 7 on every math quiz and tells me that the math work is "too easy" for him and he wants to be a math genius. (My response? "Do everything your teacher asks of you anyway, even if you are bored. That is the only way you will ever be given really advanced, interesting math work in class.")

He has also made a number of friends and smiles at me nearly every day when we come to pick him up. Nearly every single day when I have asked him, "How was your day?" he has answered, "It was really good." This from the boy who used to scowl and cry every day after school, the same boy that used to insist that he was "Not smart."

From "I'm not smart!" to "I want to be a math genius!" in the course of two months? VICTORY!!!

If there is a definite meaning to today's post, it would be that it is so important for parents to stay connected to what is actually happening with their children in school... at least to get a sense of what they *aren't* getting. It would be so easy to assume that all teachers are hard-working and all schools are doing their job, but in truth, I still believe that the buck stops with us as parents to make sure that our kids don't fall through the cracks.

I'm grateful that I have this chance to make sure my kids are given the opportunities they deserve to succeed and grow. (Every child deserves those opportunities! Every child in the world!)

In closing, I realize full-well how blessed and privileged we are... to have been able to pick up and go, change communities, put down new roots, find the 'perfect' elementary school, pay for private preschools, etc. I celebrate those blessings and opportunities. We will not squander them, but rather celebrate in the many doorways that open up to children with a good education.

I'm so glad my little guy will have a chance to start fresh in a new learning environment in just one month. My fingers are crossed for a smooth and successful transition.

For now, that is all.

Happy Mother's Day, and Sayonara until the Mommy Super Spy strikes again!

April 26, 2011 ~ Day 138 The Preschool Dilemma

Tomorrow will be a big day.

Tomorrow, my nearly four year old son and I will tackle a question that many parents hold strong (differing) opinions about - is academic instruction in preschool actually important? And if not, when will it become important?

Pretty much every parent I know agrees that preschool is a good time for young children to branch out of the family nest and work on developing their social skills. Play based learning is a wonderful thing, especially when it manages to include art, dance and music.

Children in preschool hone important social abilities like how to take turns, how to pay attention, how to follow a teacher's directions. They learn how to share and how to negotiate power struggles over who will play with which toy first. They learn courtesy and kindness - and how not to pick their nose in public! My son's current preschool even teaches them dining etiquette with the daily use of placemats and cloth napkins.

The primary question we are grappling with is NOT whether preschool is important. We agree in our family that a preschool education is crucial, which is the main reason why we are broke all of the time. Preschool at $800/month adds up fast.

Rather, the essential question that we are trying to answer has to do with reading and mathematics. Is it important for a child to learn phonics and basic numerics in preschool? Should a child be reading by the time he or she hits kindergarten? Will being an early reader hurt or help the child later on?

My elder son attended three years of preschool. The first year was a half day program only three days per week devoted to play based learning. He loved every second. The kids played with bubbles and chalk, made castles in the sandbox, rode tricycles like crazy across the blacktop... they painted gorgeous professional looking art that I had framed and hung all over my home.

They learned how to pour a pitcher of juice or water, how to clean up after themselves, how to make homemade play dough. They climbed in and out of a large wooden fort, danced with scarves, sent postcards to themselves from the local mailbox and even road the city bus for a field trip.

He adored his first year of school. Then we moved and made the switch to a Montessori style preschool local to our then-home, which I selected very carefully after touring all of the local preschools in our community. The teacher was strict but fair, well organized and maintained a peaceful and productive classroom atmosphere. Manipulative activities were everywhere, as were live animals like tortoises and fish.

He embarked upon an outstanding program of pre-reading skills and while he never raced ahead of the curve, the kid held his own. By the time he left preschool after two years attending five days a week, he knew all of his alphabet sounds and the numbers up to 100 or more. He entered kindergarten with a solid foundation. Despite foundering a bit in the local kindergarten where he was viewed as 'satisfactory but less than memorable' by his teacher, I knew he still had that strong pre-reading ability locked within.

Sure enough as soon as we moved to our new community and he began to study with a new teacher, all of those skills learned in preschool came to the fore and within six weeks of moving here, my son began to read. His reading is a revelation for all of us - him most especially.

He is reading the world around him with gusto - every road sign, every billboard. Every movie title, every book he sees. The whole world has suddenly opened up to him and he could not be more enthusiastic about it.

It really means a lot to me to see my eldest child reading. I was a middle school Humanities teacher for five years, during which time I met too many eleven and twelve year olds that couldn't read or even decode sounds. Obviously, with this kind of handicap they couldn't begin to keep up with the actual content knowledge I was trying to share with them about the history of the Middle Ages and Renaissance or attempt to tackle a wordy middle school classic like "Romeo and Juliet".

School was torture for those kids, a constant embarrassment and humiliation. It had nothing to do with their innate intelligence. After all, I'd worked as a "Gifted and Talented" cluster teacher - many of these same kids in my classes were categorized as "GATE" and had shown great promise in mathematics.

Reading, READING was their Achilles heel. They would do anything not to have to read a passage aloud in front of their twelve year old friends, so painfully conscious of their own shortcomings.

They spoke of becoming doctors and lawyers one day, and my heart bled for them. "How will you *ever* become a doctor or a lawyer if you can't actually read the books or tests required to get that kind of an education?" I thought to myself.

This entire experience really reinforced my longstanding opinion that literacy is the key to freedom and opportunity.

If you can read a book, you have the potential to teach yourself ANYTHING. As Matt Damon's likable lead character in "Good Will Hunting" so aptly told the Ivy League grad student whose girl he'd just romanced away, "You wasted $150,000 on an education you coulda got for $1.50 in late fees at the public library."

I agree with this in principle. You don't need to have a fancy college diploma to be smart and successful - but you DO need to be able to read.


The child I'm worrying over right now is our middle son. He's wicked smart, the kind of kid that WILL get into trouble if he isn't challenged. He reminds me of a lot of boys I grew up with - smart enough to plan and enact pranks with varying degrees of criminality. Thankfully they all turned out just fine, but I'll bet their mothers were worrying their eyeballs out back in the day.

My little guy is working on honing his manipulation skills and I've noticed that since we've moved to the new community he seems less and less motivated at school. After a while I began to ask more questions about what he works on during his five mornings at school each week, and it turns out that while the school has "Montessori" in the title, he's getting a lot of playtime, art, dancing, singing and crafts.

Over the course of two months he has not learned a single new phonetic sound and he has actually lost a few of the sounds he knew before he left his old school. In all, the new school has not appeared academically enriching to me.

My husband and I approached one of his close friends (another daddy at the school with older children) to ask what his experience has been with them in terms of learning. He confirmed that there isn't a real focus placed on language, other than Spanish language, but that all of his kids knew their basic letters and numbers before entering kindergarten.

He then told us that he personally felt they had done a disservice to their eldest two children by letting them get so far ahead of their age level peers with reading and writing at a different Montessori school (his oldest daughter was reading at a sixth grade level in the first grade) because they were hopelessly bored in regular classes for the first several years of elementary school.

From his view, having reading skills that are *too good* in early childhood is more of a curse than a blessing. He and I are on opposite sides of the fence about that.

So here we sit, as parents, wondering exactly WHAT we're paying $800 a month for -- is it playtime in a large grassy yard? If so, we could give that to our son here at home for free. Is it interaction with other children? Surely we could find a play group that would cost less. Is it for exposure to art and music? I could buy a lot of museum memberships and concert tickets - or even give him private music lessons - for far less than the cost of his current preschool.

What, then, should preschool be about? Does it matter whether he learns the basics of phonics, reading and writing?

Does the learning of those basic skills matter ENOUGH that we should send him to a school far from our home? Where I might not be able to get to him in the event of an emergency?

What role should preschool play in the life of a child, especially in the life of this particular child?

Tomorrow morning he and I will drive twenty minutes south to view a Montessori school well known to our family. It is run by the same leaders who ran his original school, the one with the amazing reading program. I already know that their academic program is much stronger than what he is currently getting. I just don't know if that means anything in the long run.

We've told our son that in the end, the choice will be his. There are positives and negatives to both schools, involving cost differential, traffic and commute time, gasoline prices, academic potential and organizational leadership. Either way, sacrifice will be involved.

In the end, I want my son to be the deciding factor about which kind of sacrifices he personally wants to make... long freeway drive twice a day, vs. potentially not learning how to read until Kindergarten - when he is already feeling so desperate to catch up to his big brother.

We'll be there for him along the way, to try to smooth out the bumps in whichever road he chooses. I'll do what I can to help with his reading skills, but frankly, I don't know much about the teaching of reading and I didn't have much success with helping those students of mine who couldn't read by the seventh grade. I may not, in this instance, be my son's saving grace.

This is a tough nut to crack because there are no clear answers. We're definitely open to all thoughts and advice about our preschool dilemma... but we need to make the decision very quickly. Snapping up a place in one of these schools is like applying to college - if you don't move fast, another qualified applicant will jump right over you and fill your space.

My fingers are crossed for an illuminating experience tomorrow - one way or another!