No, it would be that other, more descriptive word - the one that rhymes with witch.
I'd actually type it with gusto here after the day I've had, but hey - this is a family friendly blog.
Somewhere out there, others may exist who also get more than just grumpy when they are hungry.
I'm pretty sure that at least one or two other people like me exist within my own home! LOL... I made them myself.
(If you're reading this, my darling grumpers, Mommy loves you and is sorry that she gave you her hypoglycemic gene.)
Today was simply one of those days that needed an alternate reality.
For example, there were more than a few moments this afternoon when my children loudly whined, "Mooommmmmeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!" at me, and I regrettably ignored them or worse, snapped back -
"WHAT?"
(As in, "Mooommmmmeeeeeeeeeeeee, he hit me!" or "Mooommmmmeeeeeeeeeeeee, I want more pretzels!", or "Mooommmmmeeeeeeeeeeeee, I don't WANT to take a bath!!!")
In my alternate Mom reality, I would have looked up and given a pleasant sweet smile and then listened patiently to their plaintive whining before modeling for them a few better, more polite ways to get my attention.
The alternate reality version of me as a mother is really fantastic - I wish you could meet her. I wish I could BE her!!! LOL. If only I could ever be as great as the mom I have invented in my head; the one who consistently does everything right.
* * * * * * *
But getting back to my witchiness, because that was basically the theme today.
I hadn't eaten a proper meal in nearly 48 hours - two days. Not since the hives/throat and lips swelling/wheezing thing. I've been working as hard and fast as I can to figure out what a person can actually EAT with a sulfite allergy ~ but I keep getting it wrong!
Unfortunately there isn't a whole lot out there on the Web about this problem... although I did read today something very interesting - that it may be indicative of a metabolic/enzyme deficiency rather than a true allergy - and scientists are working on this theory in the search for a cure.
So that's pretty cool!
But for now, I've been floundering around like a fish out of water.
Yesterday I thought I'd read I couldn't eat black beans, so I didn't share the wonderful black beans my husband made for our kids for dinner.... which looked and smelled SO good. (It turns out, after further research, that black beans are pretty sensational for my condition and are a natural source of something called molybdenum which can help improve a sulfite sensitivity. So I should have eaten the damn beans.)
Today, I thought I remembered that it was okay to eat tuna fish that had been packed in water so I opened a can at my mom's house for lunch - my first protein in 2 days - and within 3 bites I started to wheeze.
"What the...?"
I rushed back to the laptop and found after about 1 second that canned tuna is actually high in sulfites and known to trouble people with sulfite-induced asthma. Ugh.
So, now I know. Black beans are awesome, and canned tuna sucks.
This learning process wouldn't be so tough if I wasn't juggling 3 kids and 2 summer camp schedules at the same time, but Life seems to believe I can handle a bit of 'extra' challenge. So, the sulfite thing just adds to our typical general chaos and intensity.
On top of all of it, my husband is adding on another (wonderful) side project to his repertoire... a company we are very excited about, but which will by the sheer nature of "work" mean extra hours away from the family and even more household responsibility for me to shoulder. I am excited for him, excited about the company, and have a good feeling that everything is going to work out well -
- but gee, I'm pretty tired.
* * * * * * *
Sometimes I want to have a personal conversation with God,
and just ask -
"So, when does it get easier?
When will my health be back?
When will all three kids be healthy?
When will they be happy?
Will they EVER like each other???"
Then I realize that NOTHING is going to get easier until I get a better attitude; and that shuts me up pretty fast. I'm certainly not going to attract a magnificent turnaround if I sit around whining and complaining all day like a few small children I know and love... who happen to look just like me.
* * * * * * * *
After spending most of the day schlepping my kids around the city, stopping in to visit my mother - poor thing, I was such a grump! - and having to once again hit the grocery store with three hungry children (read: H-E-L-L), I finally purchased food that I was 99% sure I would not have an allergic reaction to.
All of it needed to be cooked from scratch, of course.
But hey, as my mom pointed out when I was at the height of my tirade about food preservatives and additives, at least there is still SOMETHING I can eat.
So here you go - the dinner menu:
Tonight we feasted on organic baked chicken, sauteed zucchini, roasted corn on the cob and corn tortillas... with a side of black beans for me.
Happily, nothing happened beyond a small amount of lip swelling. No wheezing, no hives.
All in all - SUCCESS!!!
* * * * * * *
Now that I'm well fed, the funny thing is that I'm a completely different person.
Relaxed, mellow. Sense of humor is back. Feeling optimistic about the whole diet thing. Happy with my kids, don't even care about the whining... now that they're asleep in their beds, the whole day seems funny in retrospect.
(Even the part where they were screaming and throwing a string of large plastic beads at each other while I was driving on the freeway...)
I think, now that I'm in a totally contented state of mind, that the major takeaway I have from today is to appreciate how lucky we are to have the things we DO have on any given day... even when there are other things we are clearly missing.
Ten years ago I could eat basically anything I wanted to and never got hives, wheezing, swollen lips or any asthma symptoms.
At the time I was desperately sad and only wanted to finally meet the right person and have a family. It was my strongest prayer - that I would actually meet someone kind and cool and special who would love me back... and that we would have a beautiful bunch of kids together.
I took for granted how great it was to be able to go to any restaurant and eat whatever I felt like eating, without any fear of allergies.
Today ten years later, I have three incredible kids and an extremely lovable husband... and I can't really eat that much without my immune system freaking out. I hope the allergy/asthma thing will be temporary ~ but really, despite the stupid allergies - I have so much.
I have a lot to be grateful for and I don't want to take any of it for granted, not for a second.
Just a handful of days ago I was all twisted up in disbelief and fear, worried that I could lose one of these three precious kids to injury and allergy. I prayed with all my heart that he would be ok. My prayer (and yours - thank you!!!) seems to have been answered, and he is visibly getting better.
Cheers then, to all that I do have.
Cheers to all that we ALL have.
We have so much in this country, in our respective cities and individual homes, in our beloved families... so many good things.
Tonight, now that my Inner Witch has been beaten back with chicken and beans, I give thanks with all my heart for the precious gifts I have sometimes been too hungry to see clearly.
