We're in so much trouble.
I've known it was coming on for a while, but now it is official.
Yesterday morning I was jarred out of deep slumber by the sound of a huge thump followed by blood curdling screaming. Jumping out of bed with a surge of adrenalin, I flung my daughter's bedroom door open and saw to my horror that she was nowhere to be seen as HER WOODEN CHANGING TABLE WAS LAYING ON TOP OF HER. Without time to think at all I dove into the room, wrenched the table off of her 18 month old body and cradled her - still on the floor - without moving her. I wasn't sure if she had sustained any injuries to her skull or spine and I didn't want to risk hurting her further. I kissed her head as she screamed and thanked God that she was able to scream at all.
Within moments she had jumped up into my arms (HUGE RELIEF to see her move!) and commenced wailing like a banshee. I cuddled and consoled her as she continued to scream and I watched her upper lip begin to fatten and swell. Other than the fat lip, no other marks from the changing table could be seen on her body. I thank heaven that the table itself is very lightweight and there was nothing at all on it when it toppled over.
Hmmm.... well, that's not quite right.
There WAS something on the wooden changing table when it fell.
There was a 19 month old little girl who thinks she is a CHIMPANZEE climbing on the table when it fell!
What was she doing up there? one might ask. It's been many months since she has had her diaper changed up there, as she is physically too large to fit on it.
As it turns out, our daughter was PEELING WALLPAPER FLOWERS OFF OF HER WALL when she stumbled and crashed. At 19 months she somehow initiated and followed through on a plan to retrieve paper flowers located a full five or six feet off the ground.
To get a good visual of this, let's rewind and imagine the morning from her perspective.
"Hmmmm... the big humans are really slow getting me out of this room again. I'm bored. I wonder what I can do while I wait for them."
She looks around, eager to find a project.
"Wow, look up there. I see flowers. Hey, those flowers look like they would be fun to play with. I think I'll climb up and get that blue one."
The child who is thin, wiry and weighs only 23 pounds manages to hoist herself up to the top of the table, standing on her tip toes to reach the flowers in question.
"Just about got it.... Almost there... just a little further..."
The table wobbles and she loses balance. "Oh crud!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" She falls, with the table cascading on top of her.
"OMG! I can't move! The climbing thing is on top of me! That hurts!!!! Drats, I didn't even get the flower off the wall completely! Ack... HELPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!"
I am infinitely thankful that our little girl is okay, with only the fat lip to show for her most recent misadventure.
That said, this is really just the icing on the cake... the last several weeks have shown us a whole new side of her character. Here are some of the clues that worry me:
- She hits her older brothers, pulls their hair, steals their food and laughs hysterically
- She throws toys and plates, watches them break and laughs hysterically
- She punches me in the face and even head-butts me - hard! - while I change her diaper and then laughs hysterically
- She climbs up to the highest part of bar stools, counters, tables, stands on her toes, rocks back and forth and laughs hysterically
- Every time she earns a one-minute time out she flashes a huge grin and, you guessed it, laughs hysterically
I'm also more than a tad concerned by her obvious adoration of much-older boys. By this you may think I mean boys around her brothers' age... 3 or 5 years old. Unfortunately, I actually mean that she focuses with puppy-like devotion to men in their early twenties, for example grocery shelf stockers and cashiers. When she sees one that she likes I have noticed that she fixates upon whichever guy it happens to be, smiling and staring until she finally makes eye contact. As soon as she has won his attention she really turns on the charm and bats her uber-long eyelashes.
"You're trouble..." one bag boy told her recently - and I sighed because (a) It is creepy that he noticed her flirty manners, given that he looked to be about 23 years old... and (b) I know that he is right.
So, all in all, what qualities are we looking at here?
Strong willed. Smart (Possibly in a criminal kind of way. She steals food and toys, frequently). Stubborn. Feisty. Adventurous. Mischievous. Violent. Angry. Flirty. Destructive. Loud! Possibly quite Pretty, someday...
... and she isn't even two yet.
Have I mentioned that we are in a world of trouble? We're in our mid-thirties and yet having a really hard time keeping a 19 month old out of mischief right now when she's still relatively small and vulnerable! What will it be like in 10 and 20 years? This girl appears to be a dynamo arrived to challenge us at the deepest level.
My husband and I have been told that female children are the hardest to raise during their teens. This terrifies both of us. It's been hard enough to keep her safe already, and she's just a toddler. I cannot imagine what it is going to be like when she is sixteen and asking to take the car or go out on a date.
Hubby has a solution for this:
"My daughter is not allowed to look at men," her daddy insists. "Ever."
Just then she turns to us and grins beatifically, as though butter wouldn't melt in her mouth.
"My daughter is not allowed to go on dates with anyone, ever." He smiles. "She'll just stay home and read books, right?"
Well, at least he has a sense of humor about our impending doom.
We love you Little One. Please stop climbing on the furniture and running into the road before mommy's hair turns white and daddy's falls out completely.
(Photo of someone else's fussy toddler by Life 123.Com)
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