October 16, 2011 ~ Day 311 Why Coparents Are Worth Their Weight In GOLD

My husband returned home tonight after three days away, and I've gotta admit it was awfully nice to see the guy.

I love our kids vastly, and we mainly had a great weekend together, but every single time my husband leaves I find myself in awe of single mothers. Single parents, actually - because I'm sure there are a ton of single dads out there doing their best to raise kids on their own too!

Here are some of the things I noticed that you can't do when your parenting partner is out of town (or if you simply don't have one):

• Use the bathroom in private, or even with the door closed... because you need to be able to keep an eye on your smallest child while listening to make sure that the older children are not (a) beating each other up; (b) stealing dessert from the refrigerator; or (c) endangering themselves in other creative, inappropriate ways.
• Sleep. Because with three small children, someone is always up. Until that someone wakes their sister or brother up. At which point, everyone is up.
• Talk on the telephone. At all. Even for two minutes. (Not even if the President of the United States were on the other end of the line. The kids would STILL start singing and screaming two feet away. Just BECAUSE.)
• Decompress. When you're the only parent around, you're always "on"... Twenty four hours a day, the buck stops with you, which means you can't let your guard down. The second you do, some child will inevitably grow hysterical. It's better to stand ready at all times than to be blindsided by some of the amazing stuff kids can throw at you out of nowhere...
• Be in two places at once. Case in point, this weekend I had two sons with soccer practice at 4pm. Practices located 20 minutes apart. Thank goodness for the generosity of another team mom who graciously volunteered to take my younger son to his practice. I know my children *think* I can be in two places at once, but sorry kids - they haven't figured out a way to clone mommy yet.
• Share precious, spontaneous parenting moments. On Friday my two year old daughter confided in me that she (a) has a boyfriend and (b) loves her brothers because they are funny and nice. She was giggling adorably when she told me how much fun she has with her brothers, and how excited she was for them to come home from school for the day. I wished so much I'd had someone there listening with me to her babbling away, someone I could've turned to and said "Did you hear that? Is it just me or is she not absolutely DARLING???" But no-one was there.

There are a lot of military families in our town and some of my dearest friends have their husbands on deployment right now. Which means they are tending to their large, beautiful families alone.

Due to the nature of war itself and our country's difficult economic circumstances, these friends have no idea when their husbands will definitely be coming home... or how long they'll be able to stay before additional deployments.

I wonder if this is even more challenging than parenting entirely by oneself. When you're always waiting for someone to return, each moment has the potential to be beautiful (filled with memories, hope and love) or excruciating. You never know exactly what to expect. You can't just move forward.

The kids in these families are are always waiting too. Waiting for the other parent to return; waiting to hug them; waiting to have two parents again; Waiting for a reunion that they worry never actually come.

When I compare my paltry stints of single parenthood to these friends, I have to laugh at myself really hard.

Watching military families adapt with such grace and courage to lengthy separations gives a whiner like me quite a reality check. My three days of parenting alone doesn't really stack up to weeks, months, years or even a lifetime of single parenting.

That admitted, I'm extremely glad to have my husband back in town :-)