October 14, 2011 ~ Day 309 Pivoting, Pivotal

I've missed a lot of days with this blog lately.

Happily I've come to a place emotionally, after working on this project for nearly a year, where I can truly accept that.

It isn't perfect and I'll be working wrapping up the missing posts for a few months after we hit December 10, 2011.

In a way, I'm secretly happy about that. It would be rather abrupt to stop writing altogether... especially after a year full of sharing quiet confidences in the wee hours of the night.

Today I had a really special moment with my smaller son's preschool teacher. I'd raced by her to grab him on the playground, with only 20 minutes remaining to get across town to pick up his elder brother from the 1st grade. We were running late as usual.

She stopped me though, and I could tell by the warm and effusive smile that whatever she needed to tell me was positive.

"I was going to send a note home this afternoon," she said, "So I'm really glad to see you. Your son is doing so well! He's really begun to thrive in class. He has mastered a number of skills recently (she then gave me a list) and he has also finally started talking a lot to the other students and to the other teacher and me."

"Yay!" I cheered. "He's warming up! It sounds like he finally feels comfortable here. I'm thrilled."

Indeed, just last night our little boy had pitched an enormous fit when his daddy suggested that he might want to stay home with me today. Enormous crocodile tears rolled down his cheeks (which had turned bright red from caterwauling).

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I want to GO TO SCHOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!! Tomorrow is SHARING DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TAKE ME TO SCHOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Wow, hon-" my husband had turned to me. "I think he really likes his school."

* * *

It's great when these parental gambles we take actually pan out. There have been so many times over the past four months when our son actually didn't want to go to school. He even got injured thanks to his ardent desire NOT to go to school.

We kept sending him back though, with a smile every morning and a hug from Mommy and a fully stocked lunchbox. Now - wonderfully - our faith in the school has paid off and it brought tears to my eyes today when, as I was signing him out of school for the day, a little boy yelled at me

"He's MY FRIEND!" pointing at my son. "HE'S MY FRIEND!"

"That's great! Who are you?"

"I'm Remmy... HE" (gesturing emphatically in our direction) "is MY friend."

My son grinned from ear to ear.

At that moment, I could tell that what his preschool teacher had confided was 100% right on. Our boy has really turned a corner.

* * *

If anyone asked me right now for a sixty second window on our lives right now, I'd have to say in all honesty that I'd had no idea just how positive this move to our new home would end up being for us.

I feel so lucky, blessed, relaxed and focused.

So many good things have come into our lives with this move. New friends, new supports for our family (Moms group at the church, play therapist)... tutoring work for me... amazing schools for our kids. Exercise, sports teams, financial solvency, new philosophies of being, renewed health and time to devote to both the marriage and the children.

Things are solid; Real.

When I look back to where we were a year ago, it really feels like a different family living a totally different life. As a now healthy-motivated-optimistic woman on the go, I have trouble remembering the sickly, depressed woman I used to be very clearly; but I do remember that things weren't going well. (I'm good at blocking out bad memories... love focusing on the good ones!)

Not like we've suddenly become perfect...

It's just that, somehow this lifestyle and community are really healthy for us. We are each supported here in our dreams, needs, desires and even flaws. We've found an equilibrium in daily life that had been sorely lacking.

Last October I didn't know that it was even possible for us to be this happy; this contented as both individuals and a collective.

I hope when our kids read this blog someday in years to come they will recognize then that it IS possible to make major changes in a life, family and marriage in order to "re-boot" and have a fresh start. Even when you are 36 and 37 years old, with three small children in tow. (Even when your health is on the line.)

This year we learned that with faith and dedication, anything is possible.

When all is said and done I believe we will look back on this as a pivotal year of transition that set the stage for our bright, beautiful future.

October 10, 2011 ~ Day 305 Day of Little Surprises

I'm eating a green salad right now, telling my brain that it will feel better with healthy food and exercise.

My body insists that actually, what would REALLY make it feel better would be ice cream. Or maybe a meringue. Possibly some cinnamon toast. Or a homemade pie. Cupcakes?

* * *

Today was supposed to be a fun family day.

We were going to take our kids out to pick fresh apples in the mountains... or maybe out to the valley to get a "real" pumpkin from a patch.

Then we learned that today (Columbus Day) is a school holiday for one of our children, but not the other. Apparently private schools appreciate having the day off (they still get paid and don't have to show up...) but public schools prefer to stay open so that they'll receive federal funding for student attendance.

At least, that's my mother's theory.

So at the very last minute, we were obliged to change our plans.

No mountains, no pumpkin patch. Instead, school lunch was duly packed... son was bathed and sent along his merry way to learn with his buddies.

The other four of us were left sitting around at home wondering how to spend the day.

My husband, being a practical guy, decided that it was time to sort laundry.

Normally this would be great! What a guy ~ helping to sort the laundry! Typically I'd be thrilled.

However there is something vaguely disappointing about going to bed dreaming about family road trips with music and delicious food and laughter; and then walking into the kitchen a few hours later to find a mountain of laundry in the middle of the floor, spreading in all directions.

It didn't feel good.

I do chores six days a week. My whole world as a stay-at-home mother revolves around doing chores. Today was supposed to be a day of rest and relaxation.

My husband will be leaving town for a bicycling trip (much deserved, long awaited) with his siblings and father on Friday. I will have the kids on my own in his absence.

I anticipate that for the 72 hours of his getaway, I'll be doing nothing but chores of one kind or another: all the work I normally do, plus all of the stuff he normally helps me with.

All this to say, I don't want to spend Columbus Day doing laundry.

* * *

Since I'm working tonight, and since I had the kids on my own a lot this weekend, my husband agreed to a compromise. He would do laundry and all of the practical things he's hoping to accomplish with the day.

I will take a break and decompress before a big week ahead.

It was nice of him to suggest this compromise, and I'd be foolish not to accept the kind offer.

I'm just not sure how to spend my time.

I wasn't expecting that I'd have free moments today. I thought we'd be out walking in a pasture somewhere as a family! I didn't expect downtime. I don't have any plans. It's a little late to find a friend to get together with for lunch or a playdate.

* * *

However, there is one thing I'd like to do.

I'd like to do something nice for my husband.

Tomorrow is our 9th anniversary, and lately we've been so busy with the kids, we haven't had a date night alone in weeks.

I think this is pretty common for parents with young kids. One of my best friends recently confided that she and her husband had their first date night out since their nearly 18 month old daughter was born...

A year and a half! That's a long time to go without any private time alone, over candlelight or just holding hands at the movies.

(Then I felt really badly for complaining to her about not having a date night in weeks.)

* * *

Nine years - that's a lot to be proud of. I'm lucky to be married to such a good man and I truly want to surprise him with something special.

We're going out of town soon to see a great show as part of our anniversary celebration, but this surprise for tomorrow will be something more personal and sweet.

On this Columbus Day then, my plan is to put together a lovely surprise (shhhh, don't tell!) for my honey... to celebrate nine extremely full, beautiful, exciting years together.

Looking forward to writing more about that tomorrow!