The other day I was laughing with the mother of one of my tutoring clients over how crazy and chaotic home life can be with small kids.
Specifically, I was sharing with her my struggles to be a good mother and recounting the recent episode in which our daughter overdosed on Vitamin B-12.
She, a remarried woman with two children in their mid-to-late teens, laughed along with me but then asked,
"Would you mind if I gave you a piece of advice?"
"No, of course not," I smiled, "Tell me! What do I need to know?"
"Pay attention to your husband."
"Oh?"
"I mean it. I wish this is something someone had shared with me when I had small children. I remember crawling into bed after a long day with my kids hanging all over me and thinking to myself, 'I just want five minutes where NOBODY TOUCHES ME.'
So it is understandable. But, I wish I had known to pay more attention to my husband during those years - things might have turned out differently in that marriage."
I appreciated her candor, especially given that we don't know each other all that well yet.
Since becoming a mother I have learned that many people you meet will have well intentioned advice for you about parenting... starting with breastfeeding vs. bottle feeding... continuing with advice about strollers, cars, furniture, what food to feed your kid, when they should go to the doctor, their sleep schedule.
You name it.
Strangers will come up to you in elevators and grocery stores and put their hands on your pregnant belly. People will tell you about their grandmother's remedies.
So over seven years (starting with my first pregnancy) I have become extremely comfortable receiving unsolicited advice. I take everything with a grain of salt and I know that whether friends, family or strangers ~ people generally mean well and just want to help make life easier by sharing their experiences or point of view.
Few people, though, actually give relationship advice once you have children. Especially unsolicited relationship advice.
So, my ears perked up. It was really sweet of this mother to share so candidly her sense that the relationship between wives and husbands needs attention, especially while in the throes of child rearing.
And why not?
Even though things are going well for us in our marriage, I've given her advice some thought and I would love to be a better wife to my guy!
He is a pretty amazing human being, very easy to love.
It would be great to do something especially nice for him!
I woke up this morning wondering to myself exactly what I could do today (my personal day, so I've got some free time while he has the kids) to make him happy.
I'm thinking I'll cook a special dinner.
My husband is such a sweetheart and he has taken our three kids today out to a lake many miles east of home, where they will ride their bicycles with their tiny little legs for hours.
Last time they embarked on this same journey, they (including our four year old) biked eight miles together!
Eight miles!
So, he isn't just taking care of the kids today... he is giving them an adventure, great exercise and the love of nature.
He's giving me a bonus gift too!
By the time they get home, they will be so exhausted we will have early bedtime and a quiet house tonight.
What a star :-) Everybody wins!
This is why I think that cooking a special dinner would be a great surprise because they will arrive home tired and hungry. It would be wonderful for him to have dinner already prepared so that we can feed them immediately and then get them ready for bed.
I've been scanning through recipes, trying to find one that will make him happy.
It's not always easy cooking for the son of the best cook in the world! My husband himself is by far a better cook than I am, and he definitely knows the difference between passable and great.
I think the advice I got this week was really thoughtful though, and I *would* like to show my husband that despite the general noise, mess and excitement around our house - I haven't forgotten how dear he is. I'm a lucky lady.
Hopefully nothing says love like a chicken casserole!
No comments:
Post a Comment