There is so much going on right now in my head and heart.
Swirling. That's what it feels like ~ colors and textures swirling around my canvas.
The muck of life, I think they call it. I'm up to my waist in the muck of life.
It's a glorious mess, part beautiful and part awful... completely vivid and totally consuming.
First, there are the babies.
There are three (or more?) babies on the way into my world right now... three babies I already adore in their various stages of completion.
These little blessings belong to three families that my husband and I consider to be among our all-time closest friends. They are all much longed-for babies and much loved.
One of them ~ a boy ~ is edging closer every day to joining us on this crazy planet, and I can't wait! Just a few more weeks and we'll finally see his darling little face. His beautiful, strong mama has been waiting patiently in the hospital for his birth for a few weeks now and she is my HERO.
So right now, part of my heart is in the hospital with our friends and their little guy. I'm sending them love and prayers all the time.
At the same time a big chunk of my heart is also with another unborn baby boy, my best friend Ingrid's* first child. She and her husband found out today that their baby-on-the-way is a boy (I knew it!!! My gut said boy as soon as I saw her pregnant belly!) and so I am wrapped up in thoughts about him too.
Ingrid is one of my closest friends, someone I have loved like a sister for going on 25 years. I think her husband is fantastic, they are absolutely wonderful together. We've been waiting a long time to see them as parents (given that my husband and I have been "parenting" for seven years now) and I am SO excited about their baby!
When I got her message this afternoon that he was indeed a boy, I danced around the house!
The third precious baby-in-creation is hardly more than a sparkle in the eye of his/her parents (we just learned their great news last week!) but already I am so excited and can't wait to go baby-gift shopping. I'm calling girl on that sweet baby... time will tell!
These babies-on-the-way are absolute joys. Their colors in my "muck of life" are wonderful: whites, yellows, greens, teal blue.
* * *
Then there are some other things cruising through my brain:
- Tutoring, which I love.
- A few students I am tutoring who I am worried about.
- Emails I keep meaning to write, and forgetting.
- Checks I keep meaning to deposit, and don't.
- Babysitting schedule that I need to organize better!
- Household chores left undone, some of which are essential.
- Anxiety about not spending enough time with my children, now that I am working again.
- My mother's vacation with my sister... how are they doing?
- Our upcoming weekend trip and all of the packing I need to do!
- Hope and wonderment about our future ~ house? travel? college for the kids? continued good health!?
- Joy in having seen and spent time with really fabulous friends in the past few days
- Generalized ambivalence about politics, our government and the 2012 election... I was thrift store shopping for work clothes this afternoon when I heard on the store radio that President Barack Obama was in Southern California today... wondered what he and Michelle would say about our economy if they were actually cruising the bargain aisles with my daughter and I, meeting all of the folks we encountered.
- ??? about the new changes coming to Facebook and what all of it may mean for my privacy and online friendships
- Radiohead tour next year! Portishead tour next month!
- Oh, and I'm turning 36 soon! I've got twenty lines in my forehead and teenagers call me ma'am... I stumble on this mentally sometimes ;-)
Just a great big mass of LIFE to deal with. It's a stream-of-consciousness kind of situation, where everything sort of blurs together into one post-impressionistic flourish. One minute I'm helping a high school student write an English paper and then I'm giving my three children a bath while singing nursery rhymes. Inhaling dinner at 9pm (so hungry!) while catching up on the news of the day. Hugging my husband who I haven't seen in 15 hours.
It's beautiful! It's overwhelming!
I wouldn't trade any of it... and I'm glad to be here.
*Name changed to protect the privacy of the party in question