As the parents of three small children on a limited budget, we don't get out of the house alone together very often. Date nights, when they happen, are like small miracles where within the span of just a few hours my husband and I have the opportunity to reconnect and remember why we made these three children in the first place :-)
One thing I've really learned from parenting is how precious it is to get time alone with your life partner - not just alone in the house watching a movie when your kids are in bed - but really alone. Just the two of you, walking along a seashore. Holding hands in a movie theater. Sitting across the table from each other at dinner. Laughing.
If I ever took time with my husband for granted as a single person, believe me, after six years with children those moments are sacred.
This may explain why I've been looking forward to tonight's date night SO MUCH over the past week, using it as a life raft or buoy to get me through some of the more challenging moments.
For example, as I waited in the pediatrician's office to get my son's pneumonia diagnosis and antibiotics four days ago I consoled myself with the notion that if I could *just* make it until Sunday I would have a real break from pressure when my husband and I went out on our first real date in about a month.
Our college age babysitter, who left town for the Summer, had contacted us to say she would be in town on Monday and did we want babysitting on Sunday night for a date.
"YES!!!!!" we replied without hesitation. "YES!!!!!!"
"YES!!!!!!" cried our children. "YAY!!!!! HURRAY!!!!! YES!!!!" They love their babysitter, especially our eldest boy who appears to have a massive crush on her.
Every day since we made these plans, my children have asked me if *this* is the day when their babysitter will come to play with them.
Every day I have replied, "Not quite yet - but soon!"
Every day I have reminded myself, when dealing with their fights and tantrums, "Not quite yet - but soon!"
This morning as I helped them get dressed I was finally able to tell them that TONIGHT was the big night. Date night! Babysitting night! Woo Hoo!!!
* * * * * *
I'm sure the writing on the wall was there to see in plain view.
I'm such an optimist though, I honestly didn't see it.
But, you can guess what happened next.
Here is the email I received this morning from our much-appreciated, much-missed babysitter:
Dear Mrs. ___________,
I am so sorry this is last minute, but I have a family emergency and I
won't be able to make it tonight. My boyfriend's grandfather passed away
so his mom has to leave to Mexico immediately and she asked me if I could
stay at her house to take care of his little sisters. I am so sorry again
for canceling last minute.
Talk to you soon,
Sonya*
My official response:
Of course we understand!!! Best wishes and condolences to the family!
My unofficial response:
Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-(
* * * * * * * *
Now that I've gotten my immediate disappointment out of the way though, it's time to dust myself off and figure out how to save our evening. I'd love to make it a big success despite the lack of babysitting.
After all, most of success in life is how you respond to the surprises and misfortunes (even small ones) that Life flings at you!
I think it is important to set a real example for my children about how to roll with the big and little punches, and how to get back up and try again.
So, my job now is to let go of our plans for dinner and a movie... and instead, to focus on how I can make time at home with the kiddos and my husband as sweet and fulfilling for all of us as possible - without feeling resentment.
* * * * * * *
I think the first step is to try to figure out just *why* date night feels so relaxed and happy. Part of it is that we are paying someone else to discipline our children, meet their basic needs by feeding and bathing them, and avoiding the stress that often comes with putting three kids to bed.
If I want to night to be a truly great night then, my job is really to make sure that the evening schedule is so darn streamlined, there is no opportunity for the kids to spin out or tantrum away.
And I'm thinking the first thing I need to do is to plan dinner and make it - RIGHT NOW.
But it's only Noon, you might say. And it's a beautiful day outside. Do you really want to spend the afternoon cooking?
In all honesty, I don't want to miss either the beautiful weather or the opportunity to relax on my personal day.
That said, I don't want my children to be awake until 9pm because we got dinner on the table too late.
So the first thing for me to take care of IS their dinner.
Next, I can get things moving a lot more effectively for the evening if I lay out their pajamas and get their bottles and stories ready right now. In fact, if I put a kit together at this VERY moment for each child - one including their towel, toothbrush, jammies, story and (empty but clean) bottle - it will probably cut 30 minutes off of the evening routine!
Here's the lowdown...
If I spend a single hour right now preparing dinner and getting bedtime kits ready, then our three children may conceivably eat dinner at 5:30pm and be in bed at 6:30pm.
Did you hear that?
In bed at 6:30pm!!!
With our kids in bed at 6:30pm, my husband and I - while still lacking true privacy - may share a relatively quiet dinner for two at 7pm and then watch a movie together (or play a board game, or plan our little Summer getaway trip) until 10pm.
In short, we can still enjoy a date. In fact, it will be a date that involves a lot less money than we'd planned on spending.
Which is wonderful!
Saving money tonight means that we'll still be able to afford babysitting for a future date night, perhaps not too long from now.
TWO DATES!!!
I have the feeling that my husband will be truly surprised and pleased to have our evening orchestrated in such a clean and seamless way. Perhaps this initial babysitting disappointment has actually provided me with a simple way to build our family *and* our relationship.
Disappointments are normal. In the end what matters is how you respond to them.
Having moxie and a positive attitude can salvage the soggiest situation and often turn it into something special!
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