Tonight my husband and I went to see "The Help", a film currently in theaters.
For those who have not seen it - or read the book (which I have not) - the plot centers around African American maids in Jackson, Mississippi during the heart of the mid-60s Civil Rights struggle.
The film tells the story of their lives and treatment at the hands of their employers... and also the life of the educated white woman (Skeeter) who bravely records the maids' stories for a potential book that will bring awareness to the tough reality of their lives in America at that time in history.
I cannot adequately explain how much this film moved me; partly thanks to its solid acting, but even more due to the theme of race relations juxtaposed with parallel parenting stories featuring mothers with their children.
When the movie was over, my husband and I walked to our car in silence.
"That was a really good movie," my husband remarked, "I liked it."
I responded by bursting into tears. Not just a few polite little tears, but a massive torrential flow of tears - the minute we were alone in our car.
"Why are you crying, honey?" my husband asked. "What's wrong?"
"I-I-I'm not DOING anything for ANYONE. There are SO MANY PEOPLE in need and I'm not DOING anything for anyone but myself!" I sobbed.
"You DO have an important job. You are taking great care of our children."
"But," I wept, "I'm not really good at it. I love them so much but I'm not really good at being a stay-at-home mother. I'm too impatient. I don't keep the house clean enough. It doesn't come to me naturally.
I'm like the Skeeter character from the movie. Good housekeeping isn't really part of who I AM. I should be DOING something for the world. My gifts are in my head. I should be USING them to HELP people.
There are so many causes I believe in, and I'm not doing anything about *any* of them!"
With this statement I devolved into another huge round of tears, then began to focus on the stars in the velvety night sky.
We drove home mainly silently.
About ten minutes into our drive a light bulb suddenly ignited in my mind. I envisioned a unique way in which I could alter my new private tutoring business, as it expands, to finance working with lower income students along with the relatively affluent kids I currently teach. Excitedly, I described my revised plans to my husband... talking his ear off for over a mile.
"EVERY child who wants to learn and needs a helping hand deserves to have that opportunity!" I concluded, passionately.
My husband smiled and squeezed my hand.
"This is a really great idea. I like how it builds on what you are already doing. I do think it can work."
Once home, I spent an hour crafting an email to a good friend of mine who is well connected with schools that supports low-income students who are motivated but struggling. I can't wait to get her response. I can't wait to get started!
I have an entire business plan in my head which could possibly take years to fully unfold, but thankfully I'm already on the road to realizing my new dream.
I'm already tutoring, building a base, honing my own teaching skills.
It's one step at a time... just one foot in front of the other... but you never know.
I may end up changing the world yet!
* * * * * * *
It's funny how inspiration actually arrives.
Pieces of the puzzle can fall into place for months or years so subtly you don't even realize that you're heading down a particular path, and then you do something like go to see a movie with your husband on a random date night... a film which causes you to think, cry, and think some more... and suddenly the world shifts on its axis. The fuller picture of your career and life purpose comes into clear focus.
At least, that is what seemed to happen for me tonight. I guess time will tell if my unexpected brainstorm comes to fruition :-)
I'm really excited about tutoring though, and even more excited about tutoring a diverse group of students.
When I've got my full business plan fleshed out a little more, I'll be thrilled to share it in this blog so that my children and friends will always remember the moment when I dedicated myself to creating something beautiful and worthwhile.
Though exhausted, I feel so hopeful and happy about creating a career around giving and teaching... the two things I have always done best.
Wonderful how seemingly small things ~ like going to see a movie, or having a single conversation ~ can totally, completely and irrevocably change your point of view and plans, in just a handful of hours.
Life is lovely like that.
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