December 11, 2010 ~ Day 2Fragility

I am seated at the kitchen table looking out on a morning glory vine that manages to thrive in December, a month traditionally associated in the Northern Hemisphere with winter and cold. The flowers outside are so delicate that with a single finger I could crush them into pulp if I wanted to. Yet despite the weather their thin petals are increasingly violet in color and they look remarkably cheerful. Defiant, almost.

In The Botany of Desire, Michael Pollan proposes that tulips and other flowers have evolved over time to accommodate the sensual human appreciation of beauty and drive for pleasure... so that we will purposefully grow them, protect them and spread their seed. As part of a master genetic plan to preserve the tulip species, fragility actually helps to ensure their long-term survival.

If you think about it, many of the things we love most about life on this planet are fragile.

My children are the most important things I have ever created or devoted myself to. They are boisterous and loud, so full of energy and chaos that you might need a week to recover if we came to your house for a holiday visit. Yet, are they not also incredibly vulnerable? A single car that drives too fast or drunk driver that runs a stop sign, a single virus or bacteria, a single kidnapper down the street... any of these things could take my children from me in an instant. The love I have for them is stronger than steel but the children themselves are fragile.

Tom Perrotta's Little Children (which incidentally was turned into a terrific, sexy film staring Kate Winslet) contains a line that really struck me. A son who has done many terrible things in his life and only recently been released from prison to live at home with his aged mother tells her, “I'm not a nice person”. She responds, “You're a miracle, Ronnie. We're all miracles. Know why? Because as humans, every day we go about our business, and all that time we know... we all know... that the things we love, at any time now can be all be taken away. We live knowing that and we keep going anyway. Animals don't do that.”

Fragility heightens our perception of worth. As humans we are less likely to take something for granted if we know that it may be easily broken. When I was a kid my older brother and sister used to blow the yolk and white out of raw eggs at Easter time (through teeny little holes poked with toothpicks on each end of the egg!) and then paint animals, landscapes and sometimes even cartoon characters on the empty shells. I would watch in amazement as they added each delicate stroke. One rough touch and all of their hard work might have disintegrated into a pile of random shell shards, which heightened the suspense. The finished eggs were masterworks of patience and skill.

Although these eggs came to us from the same exact cartons as countless others which we hard boiled-dyed-hid-found-ate in the typical Easter way, somehow the process of rendering a select few into fragile ornaments forever altered their value for my family. Their new vulnerability increased their worth in our eyes.

If you look around today you may recognize fragility where you don’t typically notice it... and thus get a quick and clear snapshot of which people, possessions, creatures or landscapes in your life are the most important not to take for granted. What are the things that you value that could literally be swept away in an instant? What would you miss most if it was suddenly gone or destroyed? In this way, recognizing fragility helps us to stay aware and appreciative.

Here is a short list of some of the fragile things that bring lasting meaning into my life. Someday when you have the time, you may find value in creating and sharing your own unique list.

My fragile treasures:

Health, family, friends, house, garden, paintings and photographs, videos of my father, wedding ring, my violin, love letters from my husband, gifts handmade by my children, honeybees that pollinate my favorite fruits and vegetables, promises.

As a final aside, fragility gives an important clue into why we as humans have come to love social networks and blogs so much. Once you post fragile things online, you essentially give added permanency to words-emotions-ideas-images that might otherwise be soon forgotten or accidentally destroyed. By sharing the meaning of our individual lives and dreams with each other in a public forum where no record can ever be truly lost, we leave a strong and lasting collective memory of life ~ both as it actually is and how we would want it to be.