On Friday my son Bug’s best friend will be moving back to Australia, half a world away. They are only five years old so it is difficult for him to comprehend that he will no longer be seeing Beth*. This is their third year in school together and after they made the transition from preschool to kindergarten they grew much closer. They’ve had playdates, competed against each other in soccer games, hung out at birthday parties. They sat next to each other in school until the teacher moved them apart for chatting. I laughed out loud when that happened, because my son is so shy. We were thrilled to hear he was talking too much!
Bug’s best friends used to be boys but since switching to Kindergarten he has become very attached to Beth. We’re so happy to see him making a close friend as he can be a little timid and has already been called a ‘loner’ by more than one of his teachers. “He beats to his own drum”, they say euphemistically.
For the last few weeks since we found out that Beth was leaving at Christmas, Bug has mentioned Beth's move a lot. He seems almost as excited as she is, which is sort of adorable and heartbreaking at the same time. He is happy that she will get to be back at home with her grandparents and her old friends, but there is worry in his voice. He knows that he will need to branch out and find new friends when she is gone. We talk about keeping in touch with Beth using Skype and email, and practicing letter-writing since they are starting to learn how to write words in Kindergarten. I told him, “Some day when you grow up, you can fly in an airplane to Sydney, Australia to visit Beth!” He laughed and said, “Mommy, when we grow up Beth will fly in an airplane to visit me here.”
Bug asked me if we could buy a small Christmas present for Beth to give to her at the class party this week. What mother could say no? Last night we headed out to the local pharmacy where he carefully selected the gift he thought she would love most... a Barbie. (I’d suggested a book.)
“What will last the longest mommy?”
“Barbie will live in a landfill for a long time. Beth will also probably keep a book longer than a Barbie. Which gift do you think she will like the most, Bug?”
“Beth would like a Barbie more than a book. Mommy, she likes Barbie even better than Tinker Bell. Please.”
(Me, succumbing to everything I don’t believe in): “Ok, then Barbie it is.”
Bug then spent ten minutes studying the different Barbies to pick out the one he thought she would like most. (So many options - hair color, outfit, etc. I got a little nervous when he started eyeing the “Wedding Barbie”! Mommy’s not ready for that one yet!!!) Bug devoted yet another ten minutes to the Hallmark “Thinking of You” card pictures, asking me to read him the message inside every one. Finally he chose a card and a very sparkly silver bow.
“She’s going to love your present, honey.” Bug’s cheeks were luminous.
Since that time, he has drawn her six different pictures that all say the same thing: “I love you Beth” and showing the two of them together holding hands. He plans to give them to her tomorrow at the party, with the gift.
My kid is five years old. I couldn’t tell you at this moment whether he actually has a crush on Beth (although he says she has informed him that they will be getting married when they grow up -- You Go, strong confidant little five year old girl!) or if this is just the kind of pure friendship that children share when they are so young. It makes no difference to us anyway.
I just love how innocent affection is at this age. There are no games, no need to hide emotions or refrain from expressing warmth. My son doesn’t have to worry that this little girl will reject his Christmas gift or worse, tease him for giving it to her. I guess all of that may come later. For now all of this is just pure unadulterated sweetness. They hug each other, they play together, they talk about the things that are important to them. (Favorite topics: Little brothers and sisters are annoying, dessert is great, dancing is fun, soccer is the best, Santa Claus is coming.)
Maybe as we age the meaning of life gets diluted or distorted and we forget that it really is this simple. Friendship is beautiful and love is worthwhile. If you give your five year old best friend a doll and a card that you’ve made by hand using her favorite colors, she’ll probably give you a big hug and -- knowing Beth -- jump up and down giggling.
Seems like grown-ups have quite a lot to learn (or remember) from childhood.
*Name changed to respect the privacy of my son’s best friend.
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