If scientists ever identify the gene for anxiety I will be first in line to participate in trials for medication that alleviates all worry. I’ve been told that having the ability to fear is a healthy thing as it enables us to self-preserve as a species. I’m sure this is true, but as a mother I think I may have been given a little too much of that particular DNA for my own good or the happiness of my children.
Right now I am typing while sitting on the floor next to the bed of my eighteen month old daughter who has just been diagnosed with pneumonia. To tell you that she is precious to us would be an understatement. Any parent will understand the helplessness I feel while watching her suffer. We have done everything by the book for the past four days - tried to keep her hydrated, given her rest, administered acetaminophen and ibuprofen, consulted with our doctor multiple times over the phone. Yet despite our best efforts, here she is - 104 degree fever and a rattle in the chest. The doctor finally saw her in person today, diagnosed pneumonia and they also tested her for whooping cough. I am so thankful for modern medicine which although imperfect is excellent for acute situations like this. My girl has been on an antibiotic for a little over an hour now and I can already see a small but real difference in her misery. So here I sit, trying to get her to drink more water and holding a damp cloth to her forehead.
I am asking myself, “Why is there illness?” and perhaps that is a different article for another time, how illness contributes to the meaning of our lives. Then I ask, “Why do we worry?” and that is the topic I’m working through tonight.
I can’t speak for anyone else, but I believe that I worry due to a need to control my surroundings (read: massively type A personality) and a lack of faith. I’m still working out my personal relationship with the divine, but I’m well aware of my relationship with Murphy’s law. For anyone unfamiliar with old Murphy’s law, it essentially states “Anything that can go wrong will go wrong”. There have been times throughout the past five years when it actually felt like Murphy had taken up permanent residence in our house.
A person of deep faith would likely trust in their higher power to see them through a time of personal or professional crisis, and would perhaps give over their worry into the lap of the divine. I accept that perhaps part of the meaning of life is the need to learn how to relinquish personal control over a situation that is greater than we are, and to release our worries into prayer. To become closer to God, the teachings of Buddha, Allah or whatever one may believe in. Exploring faith certainly seems central to the meaning of a human life. I may need to invite in some guest authors for perspective on the role of faith in finding deeper meaning, since I myself am interested in all faiths but expert on none of them.
I’m back to the original question: Why do we worry? What pivotal role does worry play and how does it help move us closer to understanding what we are here for?
Perhaps in the end, worry is just another word for love. If I worry for you, I must love you at least a little. You must be one of those fragile treasures I wrote of two days ago ~ something sacred to me that I would truly miss if you vanished. If I am worrying over a job, or a project, then it must be a job that I value for some reason or a project that I believe in. If I worry that I am going to be late for an appointment, it’s probably because I respect the person I am meeting with and don’t want to waste their time. If I worry about walking through a rough neighborhood, it is probably because I have something in my life precious enough to me that I would be devastated to lose contact with it. If I worry about an airplane crashing or random natural disasters (and yes, Readers, I am one of those controlling freaks who worry about that kind of thing) it’s likely because deep down I wish that we lived in a utopia where life was eternal and love unbreakable.
Maybe worry is simply a human way to reconcile our desires for perfection with the knowledge that we do NOT live in a perfect world. Ironically, if we choose to express our love through worry - we are withholding from ourselves the actual joy and exultation that love is all about.
I adore this little girl by my side. She is an angel walking the Earth somehow entrusted to our care. As hard as it is, I will try to view this “sick time” with her as an opportunity to share the beauty of her company... without fear or panic that somehow she will be taken away from us. Perhaps the deeper meaning of worry in a human life is to remind us to love other creatures fully and consciously and to express our love with confidence. Worry may be a signal that we are actually living a life rich with blessings.
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