So it's been that kind of day. The kind where life is one big screwball comedy and I am the chief screwball. I am so thankful for the gift of humor because without it I think I might be weeping by now. Instead, I'm actually grinning from ear to ear ~ and I really assume that things are going to get better very quickly.
The day started off, as usual, with a matched set of tantrums. First one son, then the other. They were each crying because (and I kid you not), they were cold getting out of the bathtub but they would not deign to let us dry them off with a towel.
They were "too cold" to put on their warm clothes, sitting neatly folded less than a foot away. I am ashamed to say that it took my husband and I twenty minutes to get the two of them dressed because we had to actually remove them from the bathtub, dry them and put on their clothing while they squirmed and cried about how cold it was.
Doesn't Bill Cosby say something about all children being born with brain damage? Maybe he's onto something there. Seriously, you're too cold to get warm? Hmmmm....
Next up, my elder son decided that breakfast was "too yucky" to eat. I wasn't going to let him go to school on an empty stomach - that wasn't going to do either his teacher or him any favors. So, by the time I got him to eat three quarters of his bowl of oatmeal with milk, we had four minutes to get him to school. Just made it, by the skin of our teeth - right as the final bell was ringing. Phew!
My daughter and I raced home to grab some breakfast before heading to the chiropractor. Well actually, I was supposed to drop her off with her daddy at his office while I was at the chiropractor. That didn't happen though, and I will explain why.
I've been helping a dear friend of mine to set up a job interview at a school where I used to teach. She would be a perfect fit for the organization and school culture. They'd be lucky to have her, I think it would be a total win-win. Unfortunately due to some last minute changes I got an email this morning (sent late last night) to let me know that her meeting would be today at 10. I got the email at 9:15! Eek!
I spent twenty minutes trying to sort that out for her, and found myself heading to the chiropractor running quite late. As we approached my husband's office it became clear to me that we would never be on time for the chiro appt if I didn't just head straight there with the baby in tow. "My doctor won't mind," I thought to myself - "He has twin daughters of his own. He loves kids!" and so we pulled off the highway to get to the appointment.
After circling for several blocks we finally found a parking space and I popped the stroller out of the car. "Can't wait to get my back fixed up!" I thought, "At last, after all of this moving!" I settled my squirmy daughter (who was roaring like a dinosaur) into her stroller seat and buckled her in. Grabbing the diaper bag I suddenly noticed a foul odor. "What's that smell?" I asked.
Oh dear, I'd gone and stepped in some dung on the sidewalk. (Honestly, what kind of people let their animals roam freely and poop on the sidewalk, without cleaning it up? I have three pooping creatures at my house and I would NEVER leave one of their diapers on a sidewalk or anywhere else for that matter without cleaning it up. That's just called courtesy!)
So there I was, with dung all over the bottom of my UGG boot, just a few moments before the appointment time. "Oh well," I sang, "That's actually kind of funny!" Groping inside of the diaper bag I was thrilled to find a new package of baby wipes and was able to take care of the problem pretty quickly, getting my UGGs just about as clean as they'd been before the dung incident. "Time for mommy to wash her hands!" I told my daughter, who nodded sagely and then roared like a dinosaur again.
After hoisting her stroller up the five stairs to the front door of the chiropractor's office (What, no ramp? Must've been in the back? I'm sure people in wheelchairs see chiropractors too?) I realized that there was still a really strong scent of poop. This time, not coming from me. "Uh oh, honey. Do you need a diaper change?" Checking her I discovered that indeed, my dinosaur girl had created quite a swampy diaper. Sigh.
We headed back to the bathroom of the chiropractor's office where I proceeded to sing her the alphabet while changing her diaper and pretending that I too was a dinosaur. After MUCH handwashing (both before, and after her diaper change) we were at last ready to emerge into the office, just a few minutes late for my appointment. "Great!" I thought, "The morning will start fresh from here."
We went back out to the lobby and began to wait. There is never a receptionist on duty on Tuesdays or Thursdays so it was just the two of us in the waiting room, me and my girl.
We waited. We waited some more. We played swan and duck, kitty cat, dinosaur and dinosaur princess. We read the magazines in the lobby until my daughter began to rip one. We quickly ended that game and began to name things: "Look, that is a tree. Look, that is a telephone. Look, that is a chair!"
At some point, my daughter who is gaining words by the day said in her own blended together way - "Mommeeelessgo!" "MommeeeIwannago!!!"
She had a point. I checked the office clock and realized that we had been waiting for thirty minutes. "That's not like my chiropractor, to be so late. I wonder what happened?" The outside door swung open and a new patient entered the room. He was a taller man, tan and balding, with a kind looking face. "Hello!" he said.
"Hello!" We quickly determined that he had a 10:30 appointment to see the same doc I was supposed to see at 10. Hmmmm.... "Doc must be here, then," I decided - and just as I was going to look for my chiropractor he showed up at the door and looked at me, my daughter and the man quizzically as though we were involved in something interesting but possibly illicit. "Well, hi there!" he said to me, with a confused look and wrinkled forehead. "Were we supposed to meet today?"
As it turned out, his Mon-Wed-Fr secretary had somehow written me down for NEXT Tuesday. Sigh.
With my dinosaur child raring to go and another patient waiting to see the doctor at his correctly scheduled time, it made the most sense to reschedule for tomorrow. Which only meant, I had to drive another 40 minutes back home to our house with nothing to show for my morning except 1/4 less gasoline in my tank and quite a lot of recent experience with poop.
My daughter and I are home now, just about ready to leave again to pick up the middle child from preschool. Unfortunately from the sound of things (total silence) I believe she has just fallen asleep four minutes before we are scheduled to leave the house. Any parent knows, this is the naptime kiss of death. When my girl is rudely awakened by me in 4 minutes to go pick up her brother, she will believe she has napped for hours upon end and refuse to sleep again for the rest of the day.
The house is still a mess with breakfast dishes, I haven't gotten any work done today, and I need to leave again in an hour for another doctor visit. I believe this might be called a wasted day?
Except, there is no way I am going to let a comedy of errors waste my entire day. So, here are the things I am focusing on right now: