Lately I've been trying to figure out just how many things I can do (and do well) at the same time. I've always been pretty good at multitasking but in the past it was more like an added benefit... something that was a nice skill to have in the toolbox but not a necessity.
This month with our move, three children, my writing work, this blog and the need to sleep it seems like multitasking has become a *must*. There is so much to accomplish in a day and even though I've been burning the candle at both ends, I'm still falling short.
So, I find myself getting creative. Can I write a blog while cooking dinner? Can I do laundry and unpack boxes while writing and overseeing homework for my kindergartner? Can I pick up the snack for my little boy's preschool while my older son spends time in his 30 minute dance class? It turns out that all of these things are possible... as long as the traffic signals comply.
A life for one is fluid and spontaneous, charting its own course day by day... subject only to the structure that each individual is willing to have imposed upon him or herself. If you WANT to have a job, you have to conform to the rules of the company... if you WANT to drive yourself around, you have to conform to speed limits and stop signs. If you aren't interested in rules, you can buy yourself a bicycle and go live in the woods in a tent and no-one is going to stand in your way.
A life for a family of five turns out to be somewhat different than that. When you sign on to be a parent you agree to sublimate your individuality almost entirely for the welfare of another human being, which means that there are many new rules and expectations that must be conformed to.
It doesn't matter if my husband and I are exhausted and running on no sleep, we still need to get out of bed each morning and care for our children. There are meals to be prepared, baths to be given, clothing to launder, schools to attend. There are carseats and strollers to purchase (an absolute necessity because there is no way you are going to carry that little helpless eight pound newborn bundle around in your arms all day long).
Even after nearly six years, I am still getting used to all of the rules that come along with parenting. Last Friday my son threw an impressively large tantrum and refused to get into the car before school, meaning that we arrived ten minutes after the last bell and I had to do the walk of shame with him and his little sister... into the front office where we asked for a late slip and were confronted with the reasonable question, "Why were you late today? What is your reason?" Both of the front office secretaries looked at me expectantly as though I might have something Earth-shattering to say like, "Well you see, there was this mutant kangaroo in our kitchen! I had to defend the contents of the refrigerator!"
Of course, we had no good reason for being late. I was itching to respond, "Um, my ineptitude as a mother? My lack of ability to quell the tantrum of a nearly six year old boy?" but instead I just looked at the woman writing the slip. To her credit she looked back at me, took in the sour faces all three of us were sporting at that moment, and graciously said - "Just late? Ok, I'll write 'late'. Try not to let it happen again." She was talking, by the way, to me... not my son.
Reprimanded like a four year old for getting my kid to school late! And that isn't even the worst of it. Just one day earlier the principal of his school had to talk with me about parking for too long in the 3 minute loading zone to pick him up at the end of the day. "Once you vacate your vehicle," she said (and yes, she used the word vacate instead of something less formal like 'leave') "You can be written a hefty ticket for abandoning the car in a loading zone. Please don't do it again."
Have I mentioned that his principal looks to be younger than I am?
Twice then, I've broken the rules of parenting... rules I didn't even know were in place for me now. Society places these expectations upon you automatically when you join certain groups, and there isn't really room in there to say, "Well you see, I didn't *feel* like parking three blocks away and hefting the stroller in and out of the car twice, because I have a lumbar disc herniation!" The only thing to say instead is, "I'm sorry and it won't happen again."
This is why I have to get much better about multitasking and organization. If I become a better organized parent than I can plan for the possibility of a lengthy morning tantrum, getting my kids dressed and ready so early that it won't matter if it takes us fifteen minutes to get into the car. I need to make sensible decisions like getting their clothing laid out the night before, while packing their lunch boxes. And doing the dinner dishes. And finishing up that last load of laundry. And writing this blog!
I find it truly ironic that women who take time away from their careers often find it very difficult to get hired again, once they are ready to return to the workplace. I can honestly say that - having worked from age 16 to age 31 with no breaks - the last four years *away* from the office/classroom have been incredibly rigorous and forced me to develop strategies and skills I would never have dreamed of needing. I am a much more skilled negotiator, mediator and visionary than I was five years go, not to mention far better organized and self-disciplined.
Any company in the world would be lucky to have a group of middle aged former-stay-at-home mothers on its team, as we would maximize productivity and cut costs in half just from the sheer force of our will. (We would, however, demand excellent benefits... because any stay at home parent can tell you just how important health insurance is when you have one or more coughing feverish snotty little germ factories under the age of ten.)
In sum, multitasking is the strategy that is preserving my sanity and our family life during this current time of transition. It's lucky that my three little monkeys are so darn cute because in our circus-like home I'm juggling all of the time right now... and their hilarious antics make it all worthwhile.
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