Despite all of the reports in the media daily that lend themselves to the impression that the world is a terrible and dark place, I have to say that I am constantly gratified to see just how much good there is in the world. So many people that we encounter throughout the course of each day are kind, helpful, gracious, generous and patient.
I have especially noticed this since becoming a mother - strangers are constantly coming to our assistance. They hold open doors for our stroller, give my children small toys and smiles, offer an encouraging word when I'm dealing with tantrums, offer to carry packages... the list goes on and on.
I spent four hours today driving around with my 20 month old daughter doing errands while we waited for her older brother to get out of school. During this time we encountered innumerable acts of kindness - from the cashier who generously gave us store credit for my son's Christmas toys without a receipt - to the bank teller that entertained my daughter while I filled out paperwork - to the man at the fish taco shop who brought her out extra French fries and stickers.
I also like to believe that all people are inherently good inside, and that no matter how terribly a human has acted at some point in their lives, they are all capable of redemption and decency. I remind myself of this any time I see a photo on a magazine cover of a serial killer or some other monstrous type - "Once long ago, you were some mother's baby and they loved you just like I love my own children."
Then you hear stories sometimes about people who are trying to rob a bank or take a hostage and yet they end up turning themselves in or making a better choice, because in the process they've unexpectedly made a meaningful connection with the person they were attempting to rob or harm.
My gut instinct on this is that it is in seeing the goodness and humanity in everyone that you can actually connect with them even through moments of disconnection, fear and stress. At the end of the day, there are no real monsters... just humans who have mental instability, addiction or poor decision making skills.
I'm not making excuses for terrible behavior with disastrous consequences. I'm just stating my own personal belief that at the very core of every human there is good... that there is something worth loving.
One of my friends recently posted an article on Facebook that supports my belief about this - Julio Diaz is a 31 year old social worker in the Bronx who looked for the best in his teenaged mugger and ended up helping him to make a better life choice.
The inherent goodness of most people was validated yet again when I spoke with the officer in charge of "Lost and Found" at our local police station who reported that statistically, eight out of ten wallets lost in our town are recovered or turned into the police station. She said that in general, people tend to be very honest. Which was quite reassuring to hear!
My daughter and I ran into a little situation today while we were running errands - we encountered a manager at a garden store that was less than kind. I wrote a check for a small potted plant that his computer system 'reader' did not like. He not only refused my check but he also implied in front of the line that I had tried to pawn off a bad check on him... sort of a weird thing to think about a mommy with a toddler buying a five dollar plant. Unfortunately I still haven't found my wallet and I had to cancel my ATM and credit cards. The new ones aren't here yet, so I wasn't able to give him another form of payment right then, and we left the store fairly embarrassed.
After a thirty minute ordeal wherein I traveled to my local bank branch to find out that no, there was no problem with my checking account and yes, my checks were clearing just fine... the problem must be with the computer software at the garden store... my daughter and I returned with cash in hand to pay for our plant. We waited in line again and watched as the same manager struggled with a customer in front of us whose credit card stumped the same computer system. This time the manager was flustered and a bit less brusque - "Sorry ma'am, our system has been running slow today" and he asked her to try using the card as a debit instead of as a credit. He glanced at me in the line, perhaps a bit surprised that I'd returned.
By the time I got to the head of the line, I weighed the moment. I could have chosen to tell the man off for accusing me of trying to pass a bad check. But why? In the end, what did I have to prove? I don't know anything about this man or what he goes through on a daily basis. I don't know who his supervisors are, or if he had had trouble in the past with customers committing fraud. I don't know what personal struggles he faces. I don't really know anything about him at all, other than the fact that he was less than gracious about a single check.
A good friend of mine (who is an incredible writer) recently blogged about a story from Oprah where a woman recovering from a stroke could literally sense the energy of the nurses who entered her hospital room. If they were having a good day or a bad day, were hungry or wanted to get off of work early, she could sense it. So she had a sign made for her door that read: "Please be responsible for the energy you bring into this room".
When I read about this on my friend's blog I was really struck by the many ways in which I need to be more responsible for the energy that I bring into any given situation. I like to think about myself as being a good person with good intentions but I am not typically conscious of the actual energy I'm giving off. When he first rejected my check this morning, I'm pretty sure the energy I was giving off amounted to frustrated and humiliated... definitely not peaceful or appreciative.
Trying harder to be aware of my own energy when we returned to the store, I decided while in line that the mere fact that we DID return with money to pay for our purchase was a clear enough indicator that I wasn't trying to 'pull one over' on that manager or the garden center. I politely paid for my plant and walked out with no fanfare and a clear conscience. In the end, the man will recognize that he overreacted (or perhaps he will not) but I feel comfortable with the energy that I brought into our interaction.
I believe that despite what newspaper headlines blare every day, most people on Earth are good or at least operate from a place of having good intentions. I hope that as the years pass I am able to better control the vibe that I myself bring into a room - and that I can teach my children how to withhold judgment and look for the best in everyone. It's in there, somewhere.
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